Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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