I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
