Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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