I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and i looked up. we had an audience...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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