my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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