You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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