I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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