I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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