so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
