She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
