If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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