Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
