Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
