I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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