super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
