There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
