A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
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It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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