We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
