Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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