I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
