We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
