I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
