You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
