it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
