I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
