Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
