a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We need to rekindle our bromance
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
