Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's never too late to be topless.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
