So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
