No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
