help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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