I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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