I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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