Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
