forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I supernannyed him into submission
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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