Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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