So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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