am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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