; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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