if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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