that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
