it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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