omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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