Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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