every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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