im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
