there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
