You made me cry and you don't even care
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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