WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
