Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The uberlube is also flammable
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
