I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
