so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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