She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
