im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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