I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
